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Internship
Newsletter: July 2008
Saying Goodbye
by Jean Larson
Former Region I Deployed Associate Jean Larson wrote the
following article for the June 2006 edition of the newsletter. It is
well worth repeating now!
 Most interns are into the final stretch, with
2 months or less to
go. Now, 2 months is a good, long time - it's the better part of an
academic term - and many of you are busy with special summer
programs and finishing internship projects and covering for
supervisors on vacation. But it's not too early to start thinking
about and preparing for a good goodbye, so that the work of closure
is honored.
It's not just "the work," of course. It's the relationships that
have come alive this year - the widow whose husband's funeral was
your first, the confirmation kids who drove you nuts and brought
forth your most creative efforts, the person on your committee who
gave you confidence, your supervisor whose warts allow you to
acknowledge your own and still dare to proceed - these relationships
need to be honored. And so does your heart and spirit. That's what
closure is all about.
Roy Oswald describes two ways to do it poorly in his Alban Institute
classic, Running Through the Thistles (1978). One is to soak up all
your parishioners' feelings about your leaving, and keep your own at
bay. This is a recipe for depression. If you don't want to go there,
take some time to be mindful about how you really are feeling about
leaving. (If you're mostly happy about moving on in your call,
that's fine. Own it.) Ponder, journal, pray, talk with your
supervisor.
The other poor closure approach is to race through the goodbyes at
the last possible minute. This is Oswald's story, the title story.
When Roy was a little guy, he and his brothers would take the
short-cut home from school, through the thistle patch, often
barefoot. (Who says brilliant church gurus don't have a lick of
sense?) They knew it would hurt, so they'd run as fast as they
could, and then collapse on the other side of the patch to pull out
the thistles that got stuck in their feet. Well, when we leave any
important work and web of relationships, we're tempted to do the
same. We know it will hurt, so we try to get it over with as quickly
as possible.
The wise old coot inside us knows this is a mistake. You might save
a few tears in the short term, but you risk ending up with ungrieved
grief and unthanked thanks, all stuffed inside with nowhere to go
once you're back at seminary or into your first call. The
congregation, too, is poorly served. They're left holding their own
bag of unexpressed thanks and unshared toasts, and, if another
intern is to follow, they might not be ready to greet your successor
cleanly.
The alternative to these two forms of denial is "transformational
closure," a.k.a., practice in dying. (Need motivation?) Oswald says
that the way we say goodbye is a little foretaste of the way we will
die. So he gives us 5 closure tasks that parallel the 5 tasks of
dying well. The first four apply to internship; the fifth to future
parish leave-takings.
- Be proactive, not passive. Start thinking now about the
special people at your site who have made a big difference in your
learning. How do you want to say a more personal goodbye - a
visit? a card? a phone call? It's also time for your internship
committee to begin making plans for the end. New committees might
need a heads-up. Some liturgical rite of "farewell and Godspeed"
should be part of the deal. Check out the little liturgy on our
Web site (http://plts.luthersem.edu/cli/internship/handbook/godspeed.asp).
Talk with your supervisor about his or her plans.
- Get your affairs in order. What loose ends need tying up -- in
projects as well as in relationships? Are there any housing issues
you need to prepare for (utilities, cleaning)? A seasoned
supervisor has said that the best way to make sure you will be
talked about for months after you go is to not clean your
apartment. Some interns leave a note for the next intern, the way
President Bartlett did for Matt Santos at the end of West Wing.
Nice idea. (sigh....)
- Let go of old grudges. Do the work of reconciliation. Start
practicing this one, because you'll make good use of these skills
for the rest of your ministry. You could wait until the last
passing of the peace, as I once did. It was OK. But the Spirit
gives us courage, so you might as well ask for a little bigger
dose than I did.
- Say thank you. When in doubt, you can't lose on this one.
Someone thanks you for the work you did on the clean-up project
and you think your work was shoddy? Say thanks. Others say they'll
really miss you, but you know you won't miss them as much? Say
thanks. Having a hard time feeling grateful? Take it to the Lord
in prayer.
- For future reference: Be clear about your reasons for leaving.
This is obvious for interns, although if you're the first intern
at a site, you might need to remind the folks that leaving is part
of the deal. Even so, you might run into some frustration or even
anger that you have to go. See #4 above and educate.
Goodbyes can be messy. You might even cry. It's OK. Be mindful, be
honest and you'll do ministry even here. After all, "goodbye" is
shorthand for "God be with you." A blessing, at the end for your
people. And for you.
Tips and Ideas to Welcome the Intern to Your
Congregation 
Some ideas from experienced supervisors, as shared at Team Building:
- Have the Lay Intern Committee in place before the student
arrives, so they can be a big part of the welcome process.
- Consider the intern's family; include spouse and children in
getting acclimated to their new home and congregation.
- Use the Service of Welcome in the Lay Committee Handbook on
the Web site.
- Be aware of cultural differences of your location as compared
to what the intern is accustomed to, including how practices of
hospitality may differ.
- "A Southern Pounding" - everyone brings a pound of food for
the new person's pantry.
- Pastor sets up appointments for the intern with key members in
their workplaces, called a "Road Rally."
- Cottage meetings; 8-10 meetings in people's homes with small
groups of members.
- Ask congregation members to take turns inviting the intern to
dinner, either at home or local restaurants (include spouse if
that would be welcome).
- Funds for such dinners from Pastor's Fund.
- Understand dynamics with intern's spouse and the varying
degrees of involvement with the congregation.
- Invite, don't push.
- Help intern make connections to key people.
- Help family members (youth, spouse) develop their own
expectations for their role(s).
- Orient the committee against going too far in "welcoming."
Blessing For A Leader
(as shared by Julie Josund at Team Building
Sessions.)
May you have the grace and wisdom
To act kindly, learning
To distinguish between what is
Personal and what is not.
May you be hospitable to criticism
May you never put yourself at the center of things.
May you act not from arrogance but out of service
May you work on yourself,
building up and refining the ways of your mind.
May those who work for you know
You see and respect them
May you learn to cultivate the art of presence
In order to engage with those who meet you.
When someone fails or disappoints you,
May the graciousness with which you engage
Be their stairway to renewal and refinement.
May you treasure the gifts of the mind
Through reading and creative thinking
So that you continue as a servant of the frontier
Where the now will draw its enrichment from the old,
And you never become a functionary.
May you know the wisdom of deep listening,
The healing of wholesome words,
The encouragement of the appreciative gaze,
The decorum of held dignity,
The springtime edge of the bleak question.
May you have a mind that loves frontiers
So that you can evoke the bright fields
That lie beyond the view of the regular eye.
May you have good friends
To mirror your blind spots,
May leadership be for you
A true adventure of growth
Benedictus: A Book of Blessings. - John O'Donohue
Who Said That?
by Steve McKinley
Every Saturday morning I head off to the local public library where
I am part of a writers' group that meets to critique each other's
work. It is something like an AA meeting for writers. All that the other
members of the group know about me is I am a guy named "Steve"
who writes short stories, none of which are spiritually uplifting.
On a warm Saturday recently I walked up to the library in a T-shirt
that says "Soul" on the front and "What does it profit a man to gain
the whole world and lose his soul" on the back. (I do not often
testify to my faith through my T-shirts, but this one was a gift.)
Helen, the convener of the group, saw the front of the shirt and,
having commented that it was "cool," asked to see the back and read
that out loud. Having heard the words from the back, another woman
in the group said "That's really neat. Who said that?"
"Jesus," I replied.
"Oh no," she said, "that's too clever for Jesus. I think it was
Benjamin Franklin."
A young man in the group who happened to be looking at the back of
the shirt chipped in "It says it was some guy named Mark with
numbers after his name." About that time the doors to the library
were unlocked, we went inside, and that should have been the end of
the conversation about my T-shirt. But it wasn't. I blew my cover
that day in the group. They took it well. They haven't started
treating me any differently.
Those of us who spend our days living inside the orbit of the
Christian community easily lose touch with all the people who live
outside the orbit. We assume that everybody cares about the things
we care about and knows the things that we know, or at least that
they should. Not so. My colleagues in the writers' group are
reasonably intelligent and well read people. Their writing shows
that. But when it comes to Jesus most of them are on foreign
territory.
It's good for me to be part of this writers' group. It is tempting
to say that in this group I encounter a world that is
"post-Christian," but I am not sure that is accurate. These are not
post-Christian people, insofar as many of them never were Christian.
The language and literature and thought patterns of Christianity are
totally unfamiliar in that world, save for old chestnuts like
"Amazing Grace." It's not that most of them have made a conscious
anti-Christian decision or been traumatized by the church. It's just
never made it onto their radar screens. They grew up not going to
church, and just never developed the habit along the way. They are
sensitive people, caring people, supportive people. I like being
with them. (OK, I like being with most of them.) I'm learning from
them, and not just about my writing.
An old Pennsylvania Dutch saying observes that "we grow too soon old
and too late smart." I wish I would have been part of a group like
this back when I was still an active parish pastor. It would have
made me a better pastor. (There were wise people telling me that all
along, but I paid no attention to them!) It might be too late for
me, but it isn't too late for the interns and supervisors and lay
committee folks out there. Get yourself involved with a group of "unchurched"
people, and you will be able to see your faith in a new light, and
probably get over some prejudices along the way.
Welcome Back, Kathryn!
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Former CLI Administrative Assistant Kathryn
Ostlie-Olson has returned to her former position after a
year spent in Tanzania and Israel with her husband and children.
You can reach Kathryn at 651-641-3266. Welcome back!
We also say good-bye to Jean Smith who has
served as Administrative Assistant for the past year. Jean, a 2007
Luther Seminary graduate, is currently seeking a call. Many, many
thanks for all your excellent work this year, Jean!
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When is Internship Over?
You in the back row...when is internship over?
When you give your last sermon in the internship congregation.
Wrong. Over by the windows, what do you think?
When the congregation has its farewell party.
Sorry. You in the front, sticking your hand up and jumping up and
down.
When you move back to campus.
Wrong. Anybody else want to try?
I didn't think so. Here is the correct answer: Internship is over
when all of your evaluation forms have been returned to the CLI
office with the appropriate signature pages. Until that happens,
your internship is not considered complete. That means that the CLI
office cannot tell the faculty that you have successfully completed
internship, and therefore the faculty cannot take action to
recommend you for ordination and you cannot receive your
diploma.
You don't want that to happen, do you?
Taken at our June 2008 staff meeting. Top row: Jean Smith,
Sherwood Glover, Rick Foss. Middle row: Kate Sterner, Julie Josund,
Rod Maeker. Bottom row: Steve McKinley, Kathryn Ostlie-Olson, Alicia
Vargas, Elba Selby, Donna Duensing, Gary Wilkerson.
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